I appeared on the Today show to discuss why women are so competitive and snarky towards each other. It’s funny because people think that women should be nicer to each other than men are to other men, but the truth is that women can be really mean and nasty to each other. Whether in your social circle or at work, you have probably run into women who hated on you for no reason or even tried to sabotage your success. You might even have friends who always have something nasty to say about somebody (and when you left the room, the person they talked about might have been you!).
A long time ago I started moving away from people who gossip a lot or who are constantly looking for bad news. It always felt like they were hoping something bad would happen–they didn’t want to hear that things were going well in my career or relationship, they wanted hear about some drama.
Oh and don’t get me started on people at work…wow! Before I started my own business, I found corporate America to be a place where many women consistently scratched and kicked at other women on their way up. Now I executive coach many women being managed by other women who are competitive and don’t support their employees’ careers.
Take a look at yourself and your life…if a lot of what comes out of your mouth is negative or critical, just work on choosing to say something nice. Make the choice to see the best in people; instead of the worst. Recognize that helping someone else up the ladder doesn’t mean that you will be out of a job–there can be more than one woman at the top! Sometimes women do it out of habit without even thinking about what they are saying. Instead of saying something snarky about a woman’s body or outfit, look for something to compliment.
Has anyone else out there had to deal with judgmental women?
Doc,
That’s an excellent point. Just a note from a man’s perspective…women who insult other women can be viewed as rather unattractive to men. We love a woman who can compliment another woman because it shows us that they are secure. It really makes us feel safe with them because it alleviates any fears of not getting along with our mom, sisters, or mother of our child/ren. So, all my single ladies, be careful how you treat your sisters…your next prince charming could be watching.
Dr. Michelle,
So, so true. I also tend to believe at times it comes from :
* lack of intelligent conversation. (can’t talk about current events if all you do is read entertainment mags and reality shows)
* their own insecurities – its easier to talk about someone else than to look at yourself.