There are many ways to make a marriage work and be successful. Each couple will have their own understanding and expectations. What may work for your parents or friends may not work for you, so it’s most important that you and your future spouse are in agreement on how your relationship will work. Below are the key areas you should think about before getting married and important questions you should answer before you take a walk down the aisle. How you choose to address each issue is up to you, as long as the two of you can agree on how things should work.
Whatever you do, don’t expect people to change their feelings about important issues like sex, religion or children after you get married. If your partner is telling you that they don’t want to have kids, don’t think that getting married will change their mind. If you aren’t comfortable with their current position on certain issues, you shouldn’t plan to walk down the aisle until you are satisfied with your future spouse’s position on things. Of course things may change, but don’t count on it.
I’ve talked to countless couples on Wedlock or Deadlock who foolishly believe that love and marriage will magically solve their problems. Do your homework first and have these often difficult conversations before you make a lifetime commitment. The last thing you want to do is look back and be angry with yourself because you knew that you and your partner weren’t compatible in certain ways but you ignored that information anyway. Even if you and your partner don’t agree on all things, if you can find a way to understand each other and compromise you still have a chance to find “wedlock.”
Finances
You and your future spouse should discuss your current debt and your future financial goals. Are you spenders or savers? What is your plan for how you will pay your monthly bills, pay down your debt and save for retirement? Are you going to combine your money or maintain separate accounts? Do you plan to check-in with each other before you buy certain things or limit how much you spend individually considering your shared expenses?
One year ago today I lost my mentor. It’s so silly because all of my life I always thought of her as my aunt and eventually my Godmother, but for the first time, today, I realize yet another thing she was to me. She was my mentor.
Her name is Anjanelle McKinney Carter. It’s 4am here in New York and I’m up thinking about her. She is pretty amazing on so many levels so it only makes sense that she would be my mentor.
The list of things my aunt taught me are somewhat endless. As she neared the end of her battle with breast cancer I started to retrace our steps together and I couldn’t help but see how much she shaped me, and my growth.
Anjanelle taught me how to sew. We sewed clothes for my Barbies! She taught me how to use a computer before there were Macs and Windows and you had to write DOS commands for everything (some of you all may have no idea what I’m even talking about!). She let me have her Atari 2400 back when that was the first home video game console and every kid was dying to have one! In school I wrote reports saying she was the person I most admired. When I was young, she and I were even in fashion shows together.
