Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, and the day can be difficult for both sexes, whether you’re in a relationship or not.
Either way there are some do’s and dont’s to get you through the day. Relationship expert Dr. Michelle Callahan, a contributor to Women’s Health magazine, has tips on making the most of the day dedicated to love:
Valentine’s Day DOs and DON’Ts
If You’re in a Relationship:
DO have realistic expectations
If you’re in a relationship, DO have realistic expectations about what you will receive or how you will celebrate Valentine’s Day. It is important to discuss your expectations and plans for Valentine’s Day, so no one is left disappointed. Get on the same page. A lot of people create elaborate expectations and they think something really grandiose is going to happen. It’s just really, another day of the year. I think it’s our culture why people put so much pressure on this. Valentine’s Day, many women think, should be a Hollywood version. In a lot of ways, those days are not realistic; it’s more fantasy than it is reality.
DON’T let Valentine’s Day define your relationship.
DON’T decide that what happens on Valentine’s Day defines your relationship. Don’t let a less-than-spectacular Valentine’s Day make you feel that your partner doesn’t love you. There are many ways to celebrate the day and just because the two of you don’t see them the same way doesn’t mean that your relationship isn’t strong. Gifts for one day doesn’t define a relationship. It’s just about whether people believe in doing something special on Valentines, not everyone does. It’s usually women who assume we shouldn’t even talk about this, that it should be automatic. To some men, it just doesn’t make that much sense. So don’t go running away screaming declaring you got a dud because your guy didn’t necessarily agree on what to do that day.
DO agree on how to celebrate.
DO compromise with your partner about how to celebrate — some people aren’t into the Hallmark holidays and that doesn’t mean they don’t love you and show it in other ways (not just on Valentine’s Day). Find something you can both feel comfortable doing as a way to celebrate the day. If you think its going to be a big deal or you have big expectations then you need to talk about it, your partner cant read your mind. Try to find a happy medium. Its not suppose to be a day where you’re suppose to fight. Dont put unnecessary pressure on your partner to make Valentine’s Day extra special. Sometimes Valentine’s Day shows up at a less than ideal time or your partner doesn’t see Valentine’s Day as more than a Hallmark holiday. Be sensitive to the possibility that you may see the holiday differently and if you just had a big celebration for Christmas, New Years or a birthday, going all out for Valentine’s Day may not be an option.
DON’T spend beyond your means
DON’T spend beyond your means because it’s Valentine’s Day. In this economy everyone is scaling back and you should, too. Florists increase the cost of roses sometimes 10 times just because it’s Valentine’s Day. Don’t get caught up in overpriced gimmicks when the same money can buy you and your Valentine twice as much the very next day. Given what people’s financial situation is this time around, people don’t have money, you shouldn’t feel pressured to go into debt. You don’t have to give gifts on Valentine’s Day. You don’t have to go somewhere fancy.
If You’re Single:
Women’s Health contributor and psychologist Dr. Michelle Callahan appeared as a guest on CBS’s The Early Show discussing a new study that shows women are outpacing men in education and income.
Find out the implications of this economic shift and what it means for marriages.
CLICK HERE to watch the video.
Answer: How about a compromise? You don’t have to jump back into the dating scene, but you don’t have to be alone either. I don’t know if you have any female friends, but if you enjoy being in the company of a woman and can do so without pushing to make the relationship romantic, then why not spend some time with your female friends? If you have a female friend, there is less pressure because she should have different expectations about what you do together. Or, if you feel that hanging out with a woman is just too much like a date anyway, why not go out on a date but move really slowly, and by slowly I mean, at a crawl? If you haven’t dated in two years I know you have had a lot of time to think about what you could have done differently in that relationship and what you will do differently in your next relationship. These are important things to keep in mind as you move forward.
Most people move way too fast in relationships. If you are concerned about a woman really liking you for you, and her comfort with your financial situation, then you should take your time to just get to know her on a very friendly level, even if you want to reserve the right to make it more like romantic dating if you decide you really like her. Don’t feel like you have to spend a lot of money to go out and have a good time with someone. If you don’t know someone who would enjoy spending time doing less expensive things, then they are the wrong one for you anyway. You shouldn’t bother dating anyone who makes you feel inadequate, especially when you know that you have been through something and that you are working to get back on your feet. Try lower cost events like things that are free–you don’t have to promote the fact that it is free, but if it is and it’s still something fun to do then so what? Where you live there may be free concerts, free movie passes, free days at the museum, etc. You can also find cool places to eat that aren’t expensive but still have good food and atmosphere. Try taking a walk or jog together, going to the park, renting a movie, playing billiards, or cooking the person dinner at home.
You have to be creative but you don’t have to suffer alone. Just move slowly and don’t expect too much. Some people are not going to understand or appreciate your financial situation or your hesitation to get involved quickly, but don’t worry about that. Let those people go their own way and don’t take it personally if they don’t see things the way you do. There are many women out there so don’t commit yourself financially, practically, physically or emotionally until you take the time to get to know if they are even worth your time of day. Once you meet the woman who you know likes you for you, and not for your money (and you will know because of how you interact and spend your time together) you won’t have to wonder about whether the time is right to start dating again. You will be able to confidently know that she is the one to let into your life.
This Ask Dr. Michelle Column was originally posted at http://www.drmichelle.com/ask-dr-michelle
