I’ve noticed a lot of people posting on the internet asking why we keep talking about dating violence and suggesting that we just move on. And I think to myself, “What?!! Move on?!!” How can we move on when one out of every three teens and young adults has experienced dating violence? I care about how people are doing and I want everyone to be happy and healthy so I am going to talk about this situation until more people get out of violent relationships and violence rates go down.
I also noticed some people complaining that the media is only discussing this because of what has happened recently to certain celebrities. I agree that it is sad that most people only started paying attention to this issue because of the news stories, but I wrote a doctoral thesis about dating violence over a decade ago and have been doing research on relationship violence for over fifteen years so this is not a fad issue for me. When it comes to this topic, I am not here today and gone tomorrow. I am not on a media bandwagon trying to take advantage of someone else’s misfortune, I am hoping to educate while people are paying attention. Personally, I am glad that the media is talking about this issue because we are finally getting the badly needed information and resources out there to the invisible people who have been needing it but weren’t being seen or heard. Believe me, soon enough the time will come again when nobody talks about this or wants to talk about it and the victims of violence will be forced back into the shadows of secrecy to search for support. Maybe all of this talk will save a life, or make a violent one peaceful again.
Whatever you are struggling with today–stay strong! You are not invisible or forgotten in my mind:)
If you missed my recent appearance on 106th and Park to discuss dating violence, you missed a really great show! In addition to me and Dr. Jeff Gardere, other guests included Alesha Renee, Free and Kevin Powell, all of whom talked about their own personal experiences with dating violence.
Since we shared so much good information about what dating violence is and how it works, I decided to post some of the questions I was asked and my answers so that the many people who still need more information can receive it. I hope this helps!
BET: HOW DO YOU DEFINE A “HEALTHY” RELATIONSHIP?
Dr. M.: A healthy relationship involves mutual respect and consideration, where both partners have lives of their own, but also enjoy each other’s company. It does not include trying to control the other person through unwanted physical or sexual interactions, insults or mind games.
BET: HOW DO YOU DEFINE “RELATIONSHIP ABUSE”?
Dr. M.: Relationship abuse involves a pattern of controlling behavior that usually affects the victim physically and emotionally.
There are five major types of relationship abuse including:
Physical abuse: using physical force like hitting, kicking, slapping, scratching or spitting
Emotional abuse: trying to control a person’s feelings or thoughts through threats, jealousy, control, isolation, and mind games
Verbal abuse: using words to insult, degrade, or put someone down
Sexual abuse: forcing someone to do sexual things that they don’t want to including unwanted touching, rape, or refusing to use protection
Economic abuse: controlling someone’s finances so that they cannot be independent. Includes stealing or withholding money or refusing to allow the person to work
Recently I was on the Today show discussing how to talk to your kids about sex and drugs because we want parents to feel encouraged to have what many people expect to be a difficult conversation. Try to think back to when you were first experimenting with drinking or thinking about having sex—it’s a lot of pressure for a teen and yes they need their mommies and daddies to help them out!
So here are my three tips for how to have the conversation with your kids:
Recently I was on the Today show discussing how to talk to your kids about sex and drugs because we want parents to feel encouraged to have what many people expect to be a difficult conversation. Try to think back to when you were first experimenting with drinking or thinking about having sex—it’s a lot of pressure for a teen and yes they need their mommies and daddies to help them out!
So here are my three tips for how to have the conversation with your kids:
