Back in the day, knowing someone’s “sign” was such a big deal. People ran around talking about whether or not they would be compatible with someone or not simply based on their zodiac sign. People like my Wedlock or Deadlock guests Megan and David even went so far to say that astrology is their religion! Well at least the astrologers on the show let them know that they better find a new religion, lol!
But seriously, only knowing the astrological compatibility of you and your partner’s zodiac signs is not enough information to help you determine whether or not you should marry someone. Neither is a “reading” from a “psychic.” When it comes to marrying someone, you have to use your common sense and some basic long standing information on what helps marriages be successful and what helps break them apart. Knowing someone’s zodiac sign is about as helpful as knowing their personality type. It’s one of MANY pieces of information you need to take into consideration before you take a walk down the aisle. Knowing I’m a Scorpio and that I am very “passionate” isn’t going to tell you everything you need to know about what kind of spouse I will make, but if you believe in astrology, it may give you an idea of what I might be like in some situations. The real test comes in observing how I actually handle real life situations.
We often look at different characteristics about a person and use that information to assume that the person would make a good spouse, and I don’t think you should just rely on how people look on paper. You still have to see how things play out in real life and figure out what works and what doesn’t. Regardless of someone’s zodiac sign or what that psychic told you, you better open your eyes and pay attention to what is happening in your relationship. If it is working then don’t worry about the fact that the person doesn’t fit into the category or sign that you think they should be in. And likewise if things aren’t working, don’t ignore those problems, believing that they will magically fix themselves because you believe you are meant to be according to astrology or a compatibility test. Many couples who look compatible on paper don’t work out and many who don’t look compatible do, so take every piece of information you can get your hands on and combine it all to help you understand you and your partner’s compatibility and chances of success.
If you care about a person’s zodiac sign, then make sure you also care about their finances, future plans, desire to have children, parenting style, career goals, religious and spiritual beliefs, willingness to do dishes and the whole nine yards! Take all of that information into consideration. Don’t take any one of those issues and let it dominate your thinking about your compatibility with your partner.
Good luck!
Dr. Michelle
There are many ways to make a marriage work and be successful. Each couple will have their own understanding and expectations. What may work for your parents or friends may not work for you, so it’s most important that you and your future spouse are in agreement on how your relationship will work. Below are the key areas you should think about before getting married and important questions you should answer before you take a walk down the aisle. How you choose to address each issue is up to you, as long as the two of you can agree on how things should work.
Whatever you do, don’t expect people to change their feelings about important issues like sex, religion or children after you get married. If your partner is telling you that they don’t want to have kids, don’t think that getting married will change their mind. If you aren’t comfortable with their current position on certain issues, you shouldn’t plan to walk down the aisle until you are satisfied with your future spouse’s position on things. Of course things may change, but don’t count on it.
I’ve talked to countless couples on Wedlock or Deadlock who foolishly believe that love and marriage will magically solve their problems. Do your homework first and have these often difficult conversations before you make a lifetime commitment. The last thing you want to do is look back and be angry with yourself because you knew that you and your partner weren’t compatible in certain ways but you ignored that information anyway. Even if you and your partner don’t agree on all things, if you can find a way to understand each other and compromise you still have a chance to find “wedlock.”
Finances
You and your future spouse should discuss your current debt and your future financial goals. Are you spenders or savers? What is your plan for how you will pay your monthly bills, pay down your debt and save for retirement? Are you going to combine your money or maintain separate accounts? Do you plan to check-in with each other before you buy certain things or limit how much you spend individually considering your shared expenses?
Today on Wedlock or Deadlock, Tenaja and Antonio revealed some of the difficulties couples face while being engaged but living separated by a long distance. I think they are a great couple with a lot of potential for a successful relationship, I just want them to make sure they are both comfortable and certain before they walk down the aisle. So here are five tips for them or any other couple in a long distance relationship, to help them keep their relationship strong and intimate until they can reunite permanently:
1) Communicate on a regular basis
It is so important to stay connected to your partner and to communicate on a regular basis. In addition to talking about the serious and important things, it’s okay to just talk about the regular day to day things going on in your life. You can even mix things up and change the way you normally communicate by using email, instant messaging, video chat or writing a letter.
2) Do things together despite the distance
Find creative ways to participate in shared activities. For example, watch a TV show (like Wedlock or Deadlock, LOL!) or movie at the same time and then talk about it afterward or even during the show. Play an online game together or read a book at the same time.
Today’s episode of Wedlock or Deadlock really bothered me because it was so clear that Kataneh allowed Aaron to take advantage of and disrespect her because she doesn’t realize or appreciate all that she brings to the table as a friend and a partner. I see this in women all the time and have certainly been there myself. It is so important that everyone, male or female, know their worth in life so that when you meet someone who doesn’t appreciate you, you know to move on.
Kataneh’s situation is far too common. Here is an attractive woman, with her own business in Beverly Hills, who has supportive family and friends. Yet, she is dating a mooching, disrespectful, self-absorbed and selfish man who all but said that he is basically doing her a favor by dating her. Well, as long as she believes that, then she will continue to tolerate it, when she should be dating a man who thinks she’s so great that he thinks he better hurry up and marry her before someone else does!
How do people end up in these situations? There are so many ways and many reasons. Most of the time it is definitely a self-esteem issue, where despite the love you receive at home and your success in the business world, if you have not had much success in your personal life, you can be a totally different person when it comes to romance. You may feel like you can’t wait around for Ms./Mr. Right or that you can’t resist Ms./Mr. Wrong. Imagine how hard it is for those people who come from unloving homes to go out there and demand the love they’ve never experienced and don’t even know for sure exists.
On a recent episode of Wedlock or Deadlock, my guest Mixie defended her desire to work as a prostitute at the infamous Bunny Ranch. I let her know that I thought she was the dating type Ms. Sex Machine, from my book Ms. Typed, and that my concern for her was that at age 18, she had no idea how her sexual behavior would impact her over the long run.
So who is this woman “Ms. Sex Machine?” When it comes to dating, she’s just a normal woman who settles for physical and sexual intimacy when what she really wants is a relationship and emotional intimacy. She uses sex as a weapon to manipulate men and get what she wants (except a relationship!). She thinks she has to give away her most prized possession to buy a man’s love and attention, when all she needs to do is allow her great personality to shine, and men will want to know more.
So why do I care if other women aren’t concerned about how they are mistreating their bodies and minds? I care because there are consequences to putting sex first when what you really want is a relationship. If you have been mistyped as Ms. Sex Machine, what are the negative consequences when you put sex first in your relationship?
You lower your self-worth and self-esteem. If you use sex to hold a man’s attention, you are telling him and yourself that you are not worthy of love and attention. The longer you go around believing that about yourself, the more likely you are to continue to make very poor choices in relationships, because you will act as if you have to bribe a man with sex to be with you. For your personal health and happiness and your relationship success, you have to love yourself first.
You feel guilt. Women make a lot of decisions in relationships that they feel guilty about and later regret. Having sex too soon or when you didn’t really want to, are two good examples of experiences you may later regret. That guilt only leads to judgment and even lower feelings of self-worth. Women look back on that time with a lot of guilt and regret, and carry around shame for decisions they felt okay with at the time but later wish they could undo.
You have repressed emotions. Unlike the woman who knows she can’t handle sex with no strings attached, you may have built an emotional wall that prevents you from realizing when the sex-only interactions are wearing on you. You may be tired of it, and feel ready to settle down, but will avoid the conflict of trying to change your relationships, by refusing to admit your desire for more.
You sabotage potential relationships. As long as you keep using sex as bait, you will continue to attract primarily sexual experiences. If you are used to putting the sex first in your relationship, not ever expecting it to grow into something serious, you may be sabotaging your ability to develop a more balanced and serious relationship.
Don’t despair! If you are putting sex first in your relationships and it isn’t working for you, or if you think you might be Ms. Sex Machine, pick up a copy of Ms. Typed: Discover Your True Dating Personality and Rewrite Your Romantic Future so that you learn more about how to transform yourself from Ms. Sex Machine to Ms. No Milk for Free.
Stay strong…you CAN change your love life!
Dr. Michelle
