New brain research explains why it’s so hard to get over heartbreak
by Rachael Rettner
Those who pine over a lost love might have a biological reason for their prolonged yearning. New brain research suggests getting over romantic rejection might be akin to kicking an addiction.
The study is one of the first to examine the brains of the recently broken-hearted who have trouble letting go of their relationship.
The researchers found that, for heartbroken men and women, looking at photographs of former partners activated regions in the brain associated with rewards, addiction cravings, control of emotions, feelings of attachment and physical pain and distress.
The results provide insight into why it might be hard for some people to get over a break up, and why, in some cases, people are driven to commit extreme behaviors, such as stalking and homicide, after losing love.
“Romantic love is an addiction,” said study author Helen E. Fisher, a biological anthropologist at Rutgers University who studies love. “It’s a very powerfully wonderful addiction when things are going well and a perfectly horrible addiction when things are going poorly,” she said.
Read an excerpt of Dr. Michelle’s new book Ms. Typed: Stop Sabotaging Your Relationships and Find Dating Success.
It’s available for purchase at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Borders and IndieBound.
Dr. Michelle stopped by LXNY to discuss her new book Ms. Typed: Stop Sabotaging Your Relationships and Find Dating Success and to offer tips to singles on how to have a Happy Valentine’s Day.
Dr. Michelle appeared on the CBS Early Show to offer her Do’s and Don’ts for how to have a fun and happy Valentine’s Day.
Click Here to watch the video.
Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, and the day can be difficult for both sexes, whether you’re in a relationship or not.
Either way there are some do’s and dont’s to get you through the day. Relationship expert Dr. Michelle Callahan, a contributor to Women’s Health magazine, has tips on making the most of the day dedicated to love:
Valentine’s Day DOs and DON’Ts
If You’re in a Relationship:
DO have realistic expectations
If you’re in a relationship, DO have realistic expectations about what you will receive or how you will celebrate Valentine’s Day. It is important to discuss your expectations and plans for Valentine’s Day, so no one is left disappointed. Get on the same page. A lot of people create elaborate expectations and they think something really grandiose is going to happen. It’s just really, another day of the year. I think it’s our culture why people put so much pressure on this. Valentine’s Day, many women think, should be a Hollywood version. In a lot of ways, those days are not realistic; it’s more fantasy than it is reality.
DON’T let Valentine’s Day define your relationship.
DON’T decide that what happens on Valentine’s Day defines your relationship. Don’t let a less-than-spectacular Valentine’s Day make you feel that your partner doesn’t love you. There are many ways to celebrate the day and just because the two of you don’t see them the same way doesn’t mean that your relationship isn’t strong. Gifts for one day doesn’t define a relationship. It’s just about whether people believe in doing something special on Valentines, not everyone does. It’s usually women who assume we shouldn’t even talk about this, that it should be automatic. To some men, it just doesn’t make that much sense. So don’t go running away screaming declaring you got a dud because your guy didn’t necessarily agree on what to do that day.
DO agree on how to celebrate.
DO compromise with your partner about how to celebrate — some people aren’t into the Hallmark holidays and that doesn’t mean they don’t love you and show it in other ways (not just on Valentine’s Day). Find something you can both feel comfortable doing as a way to celebrate the day. If you think its going to be a big deal or you have big expectations then you need to talk about it, your partner cant read your mind. Try to find a happy medium. Its not suppose to be a day where you’re suppose to fight. Dont put unnecessary pressure on your partner to make Valentine’s Day extra special. Sometimes Valentine’s Day shows up at a less than ideal time or your partner doesn’t see Valentine’s Day as more than a Hallmark holiday. Be sensitive to the possibility that you may see the holiday differently and if you just had a big celebration for Christmas, New Years or a birthday, going all out for Valentine’s Day may not be an option.
DON’T spend beyond your means
DON’T spend beyond your means because it’s Valentine’s Day. In this economy everyone is scaling back and you should, too. Florists increase the cost of roses sometimes 10 times just because it’s Valentine’s Day. Don’t get caught up in overpriced gimmicks when the same money can buy you and your Valentine twice as much the very next day. Given what people’s financial situation is this time around, people don’t have money, you shouldn’t feel pressured to go into debt. You don’t have to give gifts on Valentine’s Day. You don’t have to go somewhere fancy.
If You’re Single:
