Parents, are you dreading the day when you have to sit down with your child and have “the talk?” Dr. Michelle Callahan, psychologist and parenting expert, recently visited the Rachael Ray show to explain that you’re not alone. “We’ve been through the sexual revolution and everybody should feel more comfortable [about sex],” she says, “but when it comes to talking about it to our kids, we still clam up, we still get very nervous and just feel like, ‘Oh, how am I going to do this?’ We need to just relax.”
Dr. Michelle says that even if you’ve put off discussing sex and now your child is a teenager, it’s never too late to get the conversation started. “The first words out of your mouth should be ‘Hey, how are things going at school?’” she suggests. “And then you follow that up with, ‘How are things going with your girlfriend?’; ‘How are things going with the ladies?’” Questions such as those are good ways to ease into the subject, but do not say “sex” right off the bat. “You don’t want to make them get all nervous,” Dr. Michelle warns. “And you don’t want to get embarrassed. You want to feel relaxed, so start the conversation slowly then introduce the concept of sex.”
Dr. Michelle advises to be prepared before you talk (make yourself some notes, if necessary), so that you’re not caught off guard. “Don’t let him ask you a question that puts you in a moral dilemma where you don’t know what to do,” she says. “Don’t let him shut you down. Don’t get intimidated, don’t let him make you back down; stay focused, stay on it, and even though it feels awkward, just keep going.”
If you find having the conversation so embarrassing that you avoid it altogether, Dr. Michelle explains that you could be doing you and your child a great disservice. “Hoping that your kids are going to figure it out on their own is how not to talk to your kids about sex,” she says. “You have to tell them what’s going on because they come up with all these misconceptions. There was a study done on 14- to 18-year-old girls and they actually thought that by jumping up and down that you could avoid getting pregnant after sex. There’s information out there that confuses kids so you want to be the source of that knowledge; don’t rely on anyone else to take care of it for you.”
Parents, are you dreading the day when you have to sit down with your child and have “the talk?” Dr. Michelle Callahan, psychologist and parenting expert, visited the Rachael Ray show and offered advice to parents on when and how to discuss sex with your children.
Relationship rules for the modern family
Psychologist Michelle Callahan offers relationship advice for families who are trying to maintain friendships with another family, especially when all the people in both families don’t get along.
There are many ways to make a marriage work and be successful. Each couple will have their own understanding and expectations. What may work for your parents or friends may not work for you, so it’s most important that you and your future spouse are in agreement on how your relationship will work. Below are the key areas you should think about before getting married and important questions you should answer before you take a walk down the aisle. How you choose to address each issue is up to you, as long as the two of you can agree on how things should work.
Whatever you do, don’t expect people to change their feelings about important issues like sex, religion or children after you get married. If your partner is telling you that they don’t want to have kids, don’t think that getting married will change their mind. If you aren’t comfortable with their current position on certain issues, you shouldn’t plan to walk down the aisle until you are satisfied with your future spouse’s position on things. Of course things may change, but don’t count on it.
I’ve talked to countless couples on Wedlock or Deadlock who foolishly believe that love and marriage will magically solve their problems. Do your homework first and have these often difficult conversations before you make a lifetime commitment. The last thing you want to do is look back and be angry with yourself because you knew that you and your partner weren’t compatible in certain ways but you ignored that information anyway. Even if you and your partner don’t agree on all things, if you can find a way to understand each other and compromise you still have a chance to find “wedlock.”
Finances
You and your future spouse should discuss your current debt and your future financial goals. Are you spenders or savers? What is your plan for how you will pay your monthly bills, pay down your debt and save for retirement? Are you going to combine your money or maintain separate accounts? Do you plan to check-in with each other before you buy certain things or limit how much you spend individually considering your shared expenses?
How do I teach my children that a relationship is not the key to happiness?
Ask Dr. MichelleNo Comments »You can start by convincing yourself that a relationship is not the key to happiness. We are our children’s role models. They learn how to act and what to value from us. So one of the best ways to help your children is to help yourself. The happier and healthier you are, the greater the chances that you can pass on that healthy thinking and living to your kids. Use the Ms. Typed Makeover Kit to help you transform yourself from being Ms. Typed to being healed and confident in yourself and your life outside of a relationship. You won’t be able to convince them that you feel happy and good being single if you aren’t convinced yourself.
Talk with your children about life and relationships. Teach them not to define themselves in relation to others or by their role in a relationship but instead by who they are and what they offer to the world. Make sure that they are involved in activities that help them to build their knowledge, self-esteem, talents and confidence so that they know they are wonderful and special without a romantic partner.
And watch what you say. If you speak about yourself or other women as if you are nothing without a partner or a relationship, then you don’t have to wonder where your kids are getting these ideas. Talk about a relationship as something to add on to the foundation of all the you have already accomplished as an individual, instead of the relationship being your foundation. As your kids develop romantic interests teach them about the ups and downs of relationships. Remain a constant source of support for them as they learn about relationships and show them how to protect themselves physically and emotionally–don’t expect them to just know how to handle things or rely on their friends to teach them about relationships.
Good luck!
Dr. Michelle
