Parents, are you dreading the day when you have to sit down with your child and have “the talk?” Dr. Michelle Callahan, psychologist and parenting expert, recently visited the Rachael Ray show to explain that you’re not alone. “We’ve been through the sexual revolution and everybody should feel more comfortable [about sex],” she says, “but when it comes to talking about it to our kids, we still clam up, we still get very nervous and just feel like, ‘Oh, how am I going to do this?’ We need to just relax.”
Dr. Michelle says that even if you’ve put off discussing sex and now your child is a teenager, it’s never too late to get the conversation started. “The first words out of your mouth should be ‘Hey, how are things going at school?’” she suggests. “And then you follow that up with, ‘How are things going with your girlfriend?’; ‘How are things going with the ladies?’” Questions such as those are good ways to ease into the subject, but do not say “sex” right off the bat. “You don’t want to make them get all nervous,” Dr. Michelle warns. “And you don’t want to get embarrassed. You want to feel relaxed, so start the conversation slowly then introduce the concept of sex.”
Dr. Michelle advises to be prepared before you talk (make yourself some notes, if necessary), so that you’re not caught off guard. “Don’t let him ask you a question that puts you in a moral dilemma where you don’t know what to do,” she says. “Don’t let him shut you down. Don’t get intimidated, don’t let him make you back down; stay focused, stay on it, and even though it feels awkward, just keep going.”
If you find having the conversation so embarrassing that you avoid it altogether, Dr. Michelle explains that you could be doing you and your child a great disservice. “Hoping that your kids are going to figure it out on their own is how not to talk to your kids about sex,” she says. “You have to tell them what’s going on because they come up with all these misconceptions. There was a study done on 14- to 18-year-old girls and they actually thought that by jumping up and down that you could avoid getting pregnant after sex. There’s information out there that confuses kids so you want to be the source of that knowledge; don’t rely on anyone else to take care of it for you.”
Parents, are you dreading the day when you have to sit down with your child and have “the talk?” Dr. Michelle Callahan, psychologist and parenting expert, visited the Rachael Ray show and offered advice to parents on when and how to discuss sex with your children.
How do I teach my children that a relationship is not the key to happiness?
Ask Dr. MichelleNo Comments »You can start by convincing yourself that a relationship is not the key to happiness. We are our children’s role models. They learn how to act and what to value from us. So one of the best ways to help your children is to help yourself. The happier and healthier you are, the greater the chances that you can pass on that healthy thinking and living to your kids. Use the Ms. Typed Makeover Kit to help you transform yourself from being Ms. Typed to being healed and confident in yourself and your life outside of a relationship. You won’t be able to convince them that you feel happy and good being single if you aren’t convinced yourself.
Talk with your children about life and relationships. Teach them not to define themselves in relation to others or by their role in a relationship but instead by who they are and what they offer to the world. Make sure that they are involved in activities that help them to build their knowledge, self-esteem, talents and confidence so that they know they are wonderful and special without a romantic partner.
And watch what you say. If you speak about yourself or other women as if you are nothing without a partner or a relationship, then you don’t have to wonder where your kids are getting these ideas. Talk about a relationship as something to add on to the foundation of all the you have already accomplished as an individual, instead of the relationship being your foundation. As your kids develop romantic interests teach them about the ups and downs of relationships. Remain a constant source of support for them as they learn about relationships and show them how to protect themselves physically and emotionally–don’t expect them to just know how to handle things or rely on their friends to teach them about relationships.
Good luck!
Dr. Michelle
This week I was on the Today show discussing the impact that technology has on kids’ lives. The guest’s son, who usually sends 14,000 texts a month, stopped using all technology for 10 days. His focus on his schoolwork improved and his relationship with his family changed for the better. The mom said that she finally had some idea of what was going on in his life and even got to meet some of his friends. When asked if she was going to make him stop texting when they got back home, she said that she would leave it to him to monitor himself! Well, he obviously wasn’t monitoring himself before now. I’m sure he was impacted by the ten days, but sometimes our kids still need our help to do the right thing.
Listen folks, as parents, you set the tone and the example for your kids behavior. You tell them what to do, they don’t tell you what they’re going to do. When it comes to technology I think that:
1. Parents should limit the amount of time their kids spend using technology, and
2. There should be technology free family time.
Recently I was on the Today show discussing how to talk to your kids about sex and drugs because we want parents to feel encouraged to have what many people expect to be a difficult conversation. Try to think back to when you were first experimenting with drinking or thinking about having sex—it’s a lot of pressure for a teen and yes they need their mommies and daddies to help them out!
So here are my three tips for how to have the conversation with your kids:
