People are always asking me how to start over and stop making the same mistakes in one relationship after another. Want to know how to break the cycle of bad relationships? Starting by facing your fear. The way to break the cycle of recycling bad relationships is accomplished by first admitting that the old relationships were not healthy (which is why you aren’t in them) and that dabbling in that world again is going to be worse for you in the long run.
If you already know that the interaction is ultimately unhealthy and you still pursue it, then you need to admit to yourself that you are acting desperate, lazy and afraid of the unknown. Make a commitment to yourself that you are worth finding someone that is healthy and cool to date or be intimate with and get yourself out there. Go to unique places to meet people and be willing to just have casual conversation with someone without any need, desire or expectation for things to go anywhere (you always find someone when you aren’t looking).
When you get to know someone in a non-pressure situation where you can just be yourself, (without just sizing the person up for their readiness to come home and rock your world so that you don’t have to call your ex), then it will just feel right. If you are having trouble meeting people, ask your friends to introduce you to their friends, to take you to new places where you can meet different kinds of people, or to just join you in heading out into this mad world on any given day or night to try to meet some new and interesting people.