Dr. Michelle appeared on the Today Show to discuss a work related shooting near the Empire State Building in New York City.
]]>The Cycle features Toure, author, S.E. Cupp, a social and political commentator, Steve Kornacki, writer for Salon.com and Krystal Ball, a former congressional candidate.
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You may be struggling to understand how a shooting could occur and why such a terrible thing would happen. There may never be satisfactory answers to these questions.
We do know, though, that it is typical for people to experience a variety of emotions following such a traumatic event. These feelings can include shock, sorrow, numbness, fear, anger, disillusionment, grief and others. You may find that you have trouble sleeping, concentrating, eating or remembering even simple tasks. This is common and should pass after a while. Over time, the caring support of family and friends can help to lessen the emotional impact and ultimately make the changes brought about by the tragedy more manageable. You may feel that the world is a more dangerous place today than you did yesterday. It will take some time to recover your sense of equilibrium.
Meanwhile, you may wonder how to go on living your daily life. You can strengthen your resilience—the ability to adapt well in the face of adversity—in the days and weeks ahead.
1. Talk about it — Ask for support from people who care about you and who will listen to your concerns. Receiving support and care can be comforting and reassuring. It often helps to speak with others who have shared your experience so you do not feel so different or alone.
2. Strive for balance — When a tragedy occurs, it’s easy to become overwhelmed and have a negative or pessimistic outlook. Balance that viewpoint by reminding yourself of people and events which are meaningful and comforting, even encouraging. Striving for balance empowers you and allows for a healthier perspective on yourself and the world around you.
3. Turn it off and take a break — You may want to keep informed, but try to limit the amount of news you take in whether it’s from the internet, television, newspapers or magazines. While getting the news informs you, being overexposed to it can actually increase your stress. The images can be very powerful in reawakening your feeling of distress. Also, schedule some breaks to distract yourself from thinking about the incident and focus instead on something you enjoy. Try to do something that will lift your spirits.
4. Honor your feelings — Remember that it is common to have a range of emotions after a traumatic incident. You may experience intense stress similar to the effects of a physical injury. For example, you may feel exhausted, sore, or off balance.
5. Take care of yourself — Engage in healthy behaviors to enhance your ability to cope with excessive stress. Eat well-balanced meals, get plenty of rest, and build physical activity into your day. Avoid alcohol and drugs because they can suppress your feelings rather than help you to manage and lessen your distress. In addition, alcohol and drugs may intensify your emotional or physical pain. Establish or reestablish routines such as eating meals at regular times and following an exercise program. If you are having trouble sleeping, try some relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing, meditation, or yoga.
6. Help others or do something productive — Locate resources in your community on ways that you can help people who have been affected by this incident, or have other needs. Helping someone else often has the benefit of making you feel better, too.
7. If you have recently lost friends or family in this or other tragedies — Remember that grief is a long process. Give yourself time to experience your feelings and to recover. For some, this might involve staying at home; for others it may mean getting back to your daily routine. Dealing with the shock and trauma of such an event will take time. It is typical to expect many ups and downs, including “survivor guilt”— feeling bad that you escaped the tragedy while others did not.
For many people, using the tips and strategies mentioned above may be sufficient to get through the current crisis. At times, however an individual can get stuck or have difficulty managing intense reactions. A licensed mental health professional such as a psychologist can assist you in developing an appropriate strategy for moving forward. It is important to get professional help if you feel like you are unable to function or perform basic activities of daily living.
Recovering from such a tragic event may seem difficult to imagine. Persevere and trust in your ability to get through the challenging days ahead. Taking the steps in this guide can help you cope at this very difficult time.
This tip sheet was made possible with help from the following APA members: Dewey Cornell, PhD, Richard A. Heaps, PhD, Jana Martin, PhD, H. Katherine O’Neill, PhD, Karen Settle, PhD, Peter Sheras, PhD, Phyllis Koch-Sheras, PhD, and members of Division 17. This article was originally published on the American Psychological Association website: http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/mass-shooting.aspx
]]>Here are nine areas of your life that can benefit from a good spring-cleaning:
1. Spring clean your mind
What old thoughts and beliefs about yourself and your life do you need to let go? Sometimes you don’t realize when you’ve become your own worst enemy by allowing the voice in your head to make negative comments that talk you out of the things you know you should do. In your head you may be hearing the voice of your Ex, your parents, a jealous friend or an unsupportive boss saying negative or discouraging things. It’s time to clear your mind of outdated negative thoughts and refill it with new healthy and positive thoughts.
2. Spring clean your relationships
Relationships are an area where you may be dragging around a lot of baggage from the past. You have to spring clean your social life too! If someone is dragging you down instead of lifting you up, it’s time for him or her to go! If their negative energy is poisoning your interactions, what purpose do they serve in your life? Don’t be afraid to reposition people in your life, even some of your oldest friends. You don’t have to cut them off, but you may need to change their priority/position in your life. It’s time to carefully choose who you allow in your inner circle.
3. Spring clean your love life.
Your romantic partner and relationship have a huge impact on you and your life. If things aren’t going the way they should, make moves to free yourself up and be available for a relationship with someone who wants what you want. You may also be carrying baggage from a past relationship. How can Mr. or Miss. Right “move in” when your Ex still has the key to your heart? It’s time to make room for a loving and healthy romantic relationship.
4. Spring clean your heart
Your friends, family or romantic partners may have hurt you in the past. If a part of your heart is still broken over bad blood between you and someone else, now is the time to let that go and move on. Toss the baggage they left you when they hurt you. Carrying their issues around is weighing you down. I’m not saying forget, but to let go in your own heart because holding a grudge is only hurting you and your life. It’s time to let go of the hurt to make room for new loving and supportive people to come into your life.
5. Spring clean your spirit
If you have been feeling like it’s you against the world you need to reconnect with your spirituality and remember that you are not in this alone. If you’ve stopped your spiritual practice or you never had one but need one, why not create one now to encourage and inspire you? It may include attending religious/spiritual services or events, prayer, meditation, reading or uplifting music. It’s time to reconnect with your spirit.
6. Spring clean your identity
It’s easy to let the past define your present and future, but when it comes to your identity you have to let go of the old and make room for the new. What old identities and labels no longer fit and accurately describe you? Replace them with your new truth! In particular, stop letting mistakes of the past define and depress you. Now that you know better, you’ll do better! It’s time to redefine your self.
7. Spring clean your bad habits
You probably don’t think about how bad habits sabotage your life in so many areas. Many of those habits are things that you waste time doing that cause you to lose sight of the big picture and become consumed with whatever is right in front of you. Your bad habits distract you from your purpose. Spending too much time doing anything including things like watching TV, surfing the internet and endless social networking can take you away from your priorities. It’s time to refocus.
8. Spring clean your body
During the winter people are more sedentary and often gain weight during the holidays. Spring is when people start spending more time outside and therefore you want to be healthy and look good. If you’ve been procrastinating on getting to the gym and making changes to your daily diet, now is the time to create a regular program of diet and exercise. You may even want to start the season with a cleanse to help you clear your body of unwanted chemicals, hormones, antibiotics, etc. It’s time to get your health back on track.
9. Spring clean your living/working space
Does your space inspire or depress you? You may be underestimating the impact of your environment on your thoughts and mood. Get rid of items that bring you down and add some items that lift you up. That may mean removing reminders of your former life and replacing them with images and things that reflect where you want your life to go. Not ready to toss something you know you should? Put it in a box and store it. When you realize you no longer need it, toss it! It’s time to design inspirational spaces.
This list of spring-cleaning ideas isn’t exhaustive so add to it anything that you know you need to do to improve your life. There’s a lot here to work on so set goals for yourself and work on them one day at a time. Good luck!
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Dr. Michelle recently visited The Talk where she shared her “Five Ways to Improve Your Relationships” as a part of their “Redo U” segments. Check out her tips on ways you can improve your relationships today:
1. Be emotionally intelligent.
You need to think about the needs, wants and wishes of the people around you to inform how you interact with them. If you are having problems with someone you need to step back and see what the other person’s perspective is. To work on relationships you must be strategic with them. You have to meet them where they are and how they communicate. The people who get ahead in life understand every relationship is unique and take the time to understand the other person involved in the interaction. You need to think about how your goal is tied into their goal. For example if you want your kids to go on an outing and they don’t want to go, think about why that is and what their needs are. Maybe invite a friend, etc. Then you get what you want and they get what they need as well.
2. Take care of yourself first.
We’ve all heard it, now live it. You have to take care of yourself before you can take care of others. This is a fundamental truth. There are costs associated with not being completely healthy and there are repercussions if you are not well. Maybe that comes out in aggravation towards your children, being short tempered with your spouse or being impatient at work. You need to take the time to stop and make sure you are okay.
3. Create uninterrupted quality time.
All relationships are work and to make them work, you have to work on them. If you do not grow your relationships they won’t develop. You need to schedule a date night with your partner, have lunch with a work colleague, set aside a family dinner or have a girlfriends’ night out. For relationships to flourish you have to put in the time.
4. Don’t rely on technology.
Technology is a great way to stay connected but it should not be the only way we connect to the people in our lives. Some people think they are doing enough to maintain their relationships by tweeting or using Facebook which is so not true. Face and phone time is valuable. We are social creatures and we need more than reading to connect with people. Relationships cannot be managed via a keyboard. You cannot get people’s true meaning or feelings unless you hear a voice or see someone’s expression. You open yourself up to a lot of miscommunication by completely relying on technology to maintain relationships.
5. Be in the moment.
When you are spending that face time with your coworker, friends, spouse or kids you need to focus on the moment you are in. Your emails, texts and other calls can wait; what is important is sitting right in front of you. When you interrupt your face time with someone by constantly looking at your smart phone you are saying to the person in front of you that they are not important. It is rude and ultimately damages your relationships with people.
Check out her appearance on The Talk:
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