I don’t usually write about very personal things but MJ was my man.  I’m still in denial about Michael’s passing.  I guess it’s just part of how I deal with death–I feel very connected to people in spirit so I am frustrated when their human life ends and yet comforted by knowing that they live on in spirit.

He passed away while I was on set.  There I was about to make one of my dreams come true when some people jokingly say that my biggest crush of all time was rushed to the hospital.  I couldn’t believe that.  When they said he died, I still refused to believe it.  I wasn’t in front of a TV and I couldn’t get cell service.  I insisted that they must be wrong.  I couldn’t react–I couldn’t even believe it and I didn’t want to.  I didn’t want to think about it because I thought I might lose it right then and there on the stage of my new TV show in front of a bunch of strangers!  No one there seemed to feel like I did–I thought I was stuck in a time warp–who were these people who weren’t crushed by the death of MICHAEL JACKSON! The King of Pop!

Michael Jackson was my first boyfriend (at least in my head).  Certainly my first love.  Way before I knew anything about being in love, I was in love with him.  I spent countless hours thinking of him and staring at the cover of my Thriller album.  I still have his buttons in the attic of my childhood home.  I had his posters on my wall, a calendar, t-shirts, buttons, and Off The Wall on cassette tape! I used to carry around this old school tape recorder without headphones and play that album everywhere I went (I’m an only child!).  I bought Thriller sheet music and tried to play his music on my piano.  I taught myself to sign my name like he signed his.  I so admired his talent.

My friends and I watched Thriller every three hours like it was a movie premiere.  It goes without saying that I can do the entire dance without music.  I thought I was Ola Ray!

I have avoided all of the negative press about him.  As a sensitive person and a psychologist, I think I get it–ALL of it.  As much as any fan can, I understand what he was and what he wasn’t.  He was many things to me as a young girl and nothing will change that.  When I listen to his music, it takes me right back in time to the joy it brought me then.

It feels good to see the world united by something positive.

When people say that he is one of the best performers of all time I think what a joke!  Michael Jackson was the greatest performer of all time! Not because he was the best dancer or the best singer–just because he was Michael Jackson.  He was the most famous and adored person on the planet–I dare you to name someone more popular than Michael Jackson.  When he showed up people fell out like he was sprinkling angel dust over them–no one affected people like he did.  Like it or not:)

Of course death is a part of life, but Michael is truly gone too soon.

RIP MJ

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