I believe we can learn a lot from each other’s difficulties and accomplishments. I created the Ask Dr. Michelle column to share my advice with many people at the same time, who although they don’t know it, are often facing some of the same challenges. I hope that my comments provide you with some insight into situations that you are facing in your life. If you have a question that you want me to answer, submit it below. I wish you all the best. (I try to answer as many questions as possible, but please understand that due to the number of questions that I receive I am not able to answer every question.)
I am 41 years old, divorced, and after a 10-year marriage that was going nowhere, I left home and found the most incredible woman. We fell in love from the moment we met. She was married, and looking for a way out. Unfortunately, her husband was wealthy and I was not, so she found love with me that she never had. We have broken up and made up twenty times simply because she cannot get over the fact that I am not a wealthy person. She keeps hanging on to me letting me in and out. I am going crazy because she is the world to me, and I am JUST love to her. She feels no security with me. By the way, we both make six figures. Not that bad right? I feel like she is hanging on to me, in case the whole package does not come along. I am so lost. I feel dead inside.
I am concerned about the fact that this woman won’t be with you because you are not “wealthy, ” yet you feel that she is “the world” to you—why? Hasn’t breaking up with you twenty times because you aren’t wealthy shown you that this person doesn’t love you more than she loves money or an affluent lifestyle? If both of you make six figures, you can live a comfortable life together. Besides, you still have a lot of life left in you to make even more money as you progress in your career (and she progresses in hers). However, it sounds like she is accustomed to a certain type of lifestyle that you simply cannot provide because becoming “wealthy” would require you to hit the lotto and that is unlikely. But let’s say you did hit the lotto, wouldn’t you feel used and cheated if you settled for a woman who would only agree to be with you after you became a millionaire? I think you deserve someone who recognizes and understands how wonderful you are, just the way you are.
If she is willing to trade love for money, then what can you possibly offer to her? You have already given her the most valuable thing you have which is your heart and your love and she has made it clear that those things just aren’t enough. Her values are monetary and yours are not. I know you have strong feelings for her but it sounds like she is using you (just as you suspect) until the right rich guy comes along. Where is the future of this relationship? Even if she agreed to be with you today, how can you ever feel confident that she isn’t going to leave you for someone with more money (since she has made it so overwhelmingly clear that wealth is a requirement for her)? You can’t continue to ignore the fact that you don’t have something that she simply will not compromise on. I would give all of that good love to some one else who will love you back the right way.
I wish you all the best!