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Dear Friends,

I believe we can learn a lot from each other’s difficulties and accomplishments. I created the Ask Dr. Michelle column to share my advice with many people at the same time, who although they don’t know it, are often facing some of the same challenges. I hope that my comments provide you with some insight into situations that you are facing in your life. If you have a question that you want me to answer, submit it below. I wish you all the best. (I try to answer as many questions as possible, but please understand that due to the number of questions that I receive I am not able to answer every question.)

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We are no longer dating so do we have to be friends?

  • I recently stopped dating someone. She felt that we could know longer see each other, but she insists that we can still call and talk to each other. I don’t call, but she feels like I should still call her as if we are still in a relationship. I need to know if I need to tell her that if she wants to call me she can, but I don’t have to call her. I don’t want to play any games with her as I stated from the start of our relationship. What is your advice to me? Please help me?

  • The woman you used to date wants to have her cake and eat it too. She cannot demand that you continue to treat her like you all are dating, if you are no longer dating! If you want to be friends with her that is fine, but SHE can’t tell YOU that you MUST call her. It sounds like she still wants all of the comforts and benefits of dating without the costs. Maybe she wants you to hang around for a while and help transition her out of this relationship with you until she is ready for a relationship with someone else. It isn’t fair to expect you to treat her like a girlfriend if she isn’t going to treat you like a boyfriend. Don’t feel obligated to let her play with your feelings. All you need to do is stand up to her and set some clear boundaries that work for you. You are acting like you have to compromise with her (as if you are in a relationship) when you don’t owe her that. If you don’t want to play these games then speak up and say so.

    Good luck!

    Dr. Michelle

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