I believe we can learn a lot from each other’s difficulties and accomplishments. I created the Ask Dr. Michelle column to share my advice with many people at the same time, who although they don’t know it, are often facing some of the same challenges. I hope that my comments provide you with some insight into situations that you are facing in your life. If you have a question that you want me to answer, submit it below. I wish you all the best. (I try to answer as many questions as possible, but please understand that due to the number of questions that I receive I am not able to answer every question.)
I have been seeing my boyfriend for almost four years. For the past year, he cheated on me and now, the girl is pregnant. He has his own excuses for why he had did it, but I remained honest and loyal to him. Now, I have been introduced to someone else who I think I want to date. My boyfriend really doesn’t want to marry the other woman. Whatever happens he won’t marry her. Now, he wants to marry me because he’s afraid he will lose me forever. And I had committed to give him a second chance. He told me, “I won’t waste this chance you’ve given me, I WILL MARRY YOU.” I am very much confused–should I marry him or not? Please help me…
I suggest that you wait to marry this guy until you see some evidence that he is ready to be monogamous. You should give it some time to see whether or not he really will leave the pregnant woman alone or if he will remain romantically involved with her. You recognize of course, that she will always be in your life if you continue to date him. If you marry him, her child will become your step-child, which within a marriage is the same as being YOUR child. Can you handle that and embrace this child? It may be harder than you think. Even if you think you can handle it, don’t rush to get married. Wait a while and test yourself to see how you handle his infidelity, his relationship with this other woman and your soon to be possible step-child. He is fighting to marry you right now to keep you from the other guy but don’t let him ruin your life by marrying you just to keep you to himself because believe me you won’t be getting him all to yourself. I absolutely think you should try dating the other guy you’re interested in and a few others as well. Before you think about settling down for life and getting married, make sure you’ve dating enough men to know that you’ve found the right one.
Wishing you all the best!