|
 Q
I once did something I’m not proud of. I let a guy who I thought loved
me to bring me down to the ground. He made me lose my job, my car, and now
my self respect. I sold my body for a weekend. The problem is, I can't
forget that I did this. Do I tell a guy that I once sold my
body? My self esteem is so low now because of this. I used to
be out going, but now I’m afraid that if I do like a guy he might find
out of my past. My family treats me worse than my friends. This was 2
years ago, how do I move on and feel confident like I used to? I’m dying
on the inside…PLEASE HELP
A
I
suggest that you seek some counseling if you can afford it, even if only
for a short time. You have to conquer your bad feelings of how you
were manipulated and mistreated, and your feelings of shame and regret.
This is something you need professional help with. As far as telling
someone else this, I suggest that you keep something like this to yourself
for now. Here's why: Until you are very sure that the person you
want to tell is one of your best friends and someone you deeply trust, you
don't need to give someone else this type of information about you.
I mean really, why do they need this information? If it is someone
you are going to marry and you want them to know so that they can support
you through this then that's one thing. But as far as just telling
someone who you are dating--I don't think it is any of their business and
it could unnecessarily complicate the relationship. This is still a
very painful experience for you and until you begin healing, I don't want
you to make yourself more vulnerable by telling someone who doesn't need
to know and may try to use the information against you (perhaps to
manipulate you into feeling bad about yourself as a way to control you in
the same way that the man who originally brought you down was able to do).
You need to be very careful about who you
have around you. Who you date and who you make friends with will
affect your happiness. You said your family treats you worse than
your friends. If they are making you feel bad about this, tell
them how hard this is for you and how much more difficult they are making
for you. Let your family and your friends know that you
need acceptance, love and support through this, not judgment. If
they continue to bring you down, you may need to limit or reduce your
contact with them. Try to find a support group in your town or
online for women with similar experiences because you have to find someone
you can talk to about this who doesn't make you feel bad about yourself.
You said you want to feel confident again.
If you don't feel confident that this will never happen again, then you
know you need professional help just to protect yourself. But if you
do feel confident that this will never happen again, then you have a good
start at knowing that you are rebuilding your internal strength and that
you are bigger, badder and smarter than you were two years ago. Every time
the voice in your head starts beating you up again for this past mistake
you need to remind yourself that you aren't the same person you were two
years ago. That was then and this is now. You aren't proud of
what you did but you should be proud of the person you are striving to be
today. Don't let a mistake in the past keep you from achieving all
that you want and deserve. Stop thinking about what you feel you did
wrong and start thinking about what you feel you are doing right. If
you focus on your future, and not your past, the day will come when you
wake up feeling encouraged and excited instead of regretful.
|
Dr.
Michelle
Ask Dr. Michelle