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 Q
I am 41 years old, divorced, and after a
10-year marriage that was going nowhere, I left home and found the most
incredible woman. We fell in
love from the moment we met. She was married, and looking for a way out.
Unfortunately, her husband was wealthy and I was not, so she found love
with me that she never had. We have made up and broke up twenty times
simply because she cannot get over the fact that I am not a wealthy
person. She keeps hanging on to me letting me in and out. I am going crazy
because she is the world to me, and I am JUST love to her. She feels no
security with me. By the way, we both make six figures. Not that bad
right? I feel like she is hanging on to me, in case the whole package does
not come along. I am so lost. I feel dead inside.
A
I am concerned about the fact that this woman
won’t be with you because you are not “wealthy, ” yet you feel that
she is “the world” to you—why?
Hasn’t breaking up with you twenty times because you aren’t
wealthy shown you that this person doesn’t love you more than she loves
money or an affluent lifestyle? If
both of you make six figures, you can live a comfortable life together.
Besides, you still have a lot of life left in you to make even more
money as you progress in your career.
However, it sounds like she is accustomed to a certain type of
lifestyle that you simply cannot provide because becoming “wealthy”
would require you to hit lotto and that is unlikely.
But let’s say you did hit the lotto, wouldn’t you feel used and
cheated if you settled for a woman who would only agree to be with you
after you became a millionaire? I
think you deserve someone who recognizes and understands how wonderful you
are, just the way you are.
If
she is willing to trade love for money, then what can you possibly offer
to her? You have already given her the most valuable thing you have
which is your heart and your love and she has made it clear that those
things just aren’t enough. Her
values are monetary and yours are not.
I know you have strong feelings for her but it sounds like she is
using you (just as you suspect) until the right rich guy comes along.
Where is the future of this relationship? Even if she agreed to be with you today, how can you ever
feel confident that she isn’t going to leave you for someone with more
money (since she has made it so overwhelmingly clear that wealth is a
requirement for her)? You can’t continue to ignore the fact that you
don’t have something that she simply will not compromise on.
I would give all of that good love to some one else who will love
you back the right way.
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Dr.
Michelle
Ask Dr. Michelle