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 Q
When you finally meet someone who could be
a potential soul mate if they live someplace else does it really matter?
--- L. J., Raleigh, NC
A Distance does not mean that you cannot pursue a friendship or
romantic relationship with someone who lives somewhere else. With
today's technology of email chatting and deep discounts on long
distance calling, it is easy to keep in touch with someone long distance
on a regular basis. Sometimes the distance allows people to
really get to know more about each other before they get physically
involved.
I do feel however, that before you or your partner decides to move
closer to each other or move in with each other, that you take a significant
amount of time getting to know each other. You still need to
follow some of the same rules of dating that you would follow if you
were living in the same place, which include taking your time to really
get to know a person before you decide to move in, have kids with or
marry them. Oftentimes, when you just talk by phone, you don't get
to know what someone is like on a day-to-day basis in person. It
can be like an extended honeymoon period where everything stays very
happy all of the time because you aren't doing the more boring or
difficult things like deciding who is going to cook dinner or clean the
bathroom. Instead you may just be sharing all of the good times
and avoiding the bad, which you can't avoid when you are together
in the same space. It may be that on your short visits to see each
other that you have a great time, but those short visits are not the
same as living together.
Sometimes the distance between people is what keeps them excited about
seeing each other, like the idea of "absence makes the heart grow
fonder." You will have to make sure that you and your partner
don't get bored with each other when you are always able to be
together. Whatever you do, don't be discouraged by the distance,
just take it slow.
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Dr.
Michelle
Ask Dr. Michelle