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 Q I
need some advice. I have a friend who when I need someone to talk to seems
as if she's never there. While talking to her on the phone she either
talks to others in the background, doesn't respond back, or says
"what did you say again". I am very hurt by this because
recently I called her to talk, I was very upset about a dying family
member. she did the same things. But meanwhile when she's having man
problems she calls me day or night and I give her my undivided attention.
What should I do?
A I
know that it can be difficult confronting someone, but there is only one
way around this situation and that is for you to tell your
"friend" how her behavior makes you feel. You don't want
to attack her or jump down her throat--just wait for a calm moment when
you can peacefully, yet honestly, tell her how it makes you feel when she
doesn't give you her full attention when the two of you are talking.
The example of needing her attention when you were trying to discuss your
feelings about your dying family member is a perfect example to bring up.
It's okay to tell her that you value her friendship enough to pay close
attention when she is talking to you and that you need her to pay
attention to you when you need help as well.
Although we both know how rude she has
acted, if this is the first time you have mentioned your feelings to her,
you have to understand that she may not have realized how rude she's been
acting, so give her a chance to make some changes. If she does it
again in the future, remind her right then and there that she is doing it
again. If she doesn't stop then you need to find someone else to
talk to and depend on. What's the point of talking to her if she
isn't listening anyway? That is enough to make your mood go
from bad to worse and a sign that you need to find another friend to
confide in and share your feelings with. Maybe when she notices that
you, the person who always gave her your undivided attention, are
now becoming friends with someone who cares about listening to your life,
she might wake up and smell the coffee. Good luck!
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Dr.
Michelle
Ask Dr. Michelle