|
 Q
I'm a 21 year old female in a long-term relationship with a 22 year old
man. My problem is he seems to think it's ok to break promises to
me, to go behind my back and do things that I know of and don't approve of
(not cheating). He thinks it's ok to constantly break plans with me
to hang out with the guys or work out at the gym. Sometimes it feels
like I have to con him to do things, important things, like our anniversaries
and what not. He constantly lets me down, it seems that now a days
the only reason he sees me is on the weekends (which is fine normally) for
the "one" reason only.
I
feel like I'm not a priority in his life, that I'm nothing to him these
days. It really hurts. I cry myself to sleep some nights
because he forgets about me, or pushes me aside and says " I can do
what I want, and your just going to have to sit there and take it!"
I really do love him, he is my first and only boyfriend, as well as
other things. He will always have a special place in my heart.
I just wish he would stop treating me this way. I don't know what to do
anymore. I don't want to leave him, yet, I don't want to stay
and continue like this because I'm simply at my wits end. Any
help would be greatly appreciated. A
I think you should go back and reread
your email to me because the answer to your question is written in your
words. You already wrote several things that make it obvious what
you should probably do about your situation. Here are some important
things you said: 1) Sometimes it feels like I have to con him to do
things; 2) I feel like I'm not a priority in his life; 3) I cry myself to
sleep some nights because he forgets about me, or pushes me aside; and
last but certainly not least 4) he says " I can do what I want, and
your just going to have to sit there and take it!". Why
do you want to stay in a relationship with someone who treats you like
this? I know that you say you love him, but how can you continue to
love and stay committed to him when he acts like this? Perhaps
because he is your first boyfriend, you don't realize how much
"greener the grass is" on the other side. There are more
men out there who can meet more of your needs but you will never meet and
fall in love with them as long as you are stuck in a dead-end relationship
with a guy who doesn't care that you are unhappy and doesn't have any
intention of changing. You
will always remember the special place he once held in your life as your
first boyfriend back when things were good, but you don't have to hold
onto him for dear life, as if your life means nothing unless he is in it
treating you like you are nothing. You should be concerned about
what deep down inside you must think and feel about yourself if you
continue to stay in a relationship with a guy who treats you like you mean
nothing to him. Why do you want to be with someone like that?
Don't you think you deserve better? As
far as "wishing" he would stop treating you this way goes, it
sounds like you have made it crystal clear to him on several occasions
that you do not like the way he treats you and he obviously doesn't care
or plan to change. Why should he change when he knows that you
aren't going anywhere? He already told you that he can do what he
wants and that you are just going to have to take it! So, is he
right? Are you just going to take it? Or, are you going to
make a brave decision to put yourself first and do the difficult work of
starting over and waiting for a man who will love and respect you?
The choice is yours.
|
Dr.
Michelle
Ask Dr. Michelle