|
 Q
I
am a mess. I have screwed up the best thing that I have ever had going for
me. We have been going out for about a year and have been broken up (I did
the breaking up) for about a month. I know now more than ever that I want
to have a family with her and her little boy. I broke it off from her
because she did not fully trust me. This is because I cheated with her 3
months into the relationship. Her mistrust made the relationship look
unattractive to me and I wanted out. I took everything I had in me to
break things off with her and now I regret it. She wants to be happy and I
want to be the one that makes her this way. Another thing that I did was
not cut off contact with other girls. This made trust issues worse. She
has told me that she is still in love with me somewhat and I can only see
her once in a while "so this means that she is not 100% sure about
not being with me". I will do anything it takes to get her back into
my life. Please help me…
A
This might take you by surprise but I think
you should tell her everything that you just told me. AND, cut off
these other women and stop cheating of course. She needs to know
that you want to make her happy, that you understand that you did wrong in
the past, that you now realize what is important, that you won't ever
cheat on her again and that you will eliminate the temptation to cheat by
ending contact with Exes and other women who you know are romantically
interested in you. If she seems unmoved after you admit how you
wrong you were and apologize, it means that she needs more time to rebuild
her trust in you and that you have to work hard to give her a reason to
trust you again. You need to be patient and practice monogamy.
Even if she hasn't officially taken you back, treat her like she is your
girlfriend and stop seeing other women. From your perspective as a man
I know that sounds crazy, but imagine how she will feel if she finds out
you are sleeping with someone else, at the same time that you keep telling
her that she is the one. She would be convinced that you are the
biggest liar ever since you claim to be a mess over the break-up.
Sooo, don't make a liar out of yourself--prove you are ready to settle
down with her (I just told you how:))
For more information on
this topic, I suggest you read my essay Can
You Afford the Price of Infidelity
from my March 2005 Newsletter and my essay on How to
Get your Ex Back! from
my February 2005 Newsletter.
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